The Morning After
We broke up last night. His father came to get him and took him back to London. I wish I was going home to my mom, too. I miss her right now and grieve for her. After I did it last night, I felt high - almost happy. Calm. In control. Eric Hawkins came over and sat with me, we smoked a joint and wound down.

I woke up in bed alone this morning and sobbed. I feel eviscerated, stupid, cruel,  It's sunk in that he's never coming back, that I've taken my best friend and tossed him out the door. I'm struggling to keep hold of all the reasons I left, but a big part of me is just destroyed because for all it's problems it  was still the best relationship I had ever had. I mourn the loss deeply.

I don't want to be weak, I want to stay firm in this decision. I want to do what is right for me, even though it hurts so much right now.

I haven't hurt like this since mom died, I just want it to stop.